In order to be an effective leader, one needs to negotiate EVERYTHING. You’re negotiating on behalf of your team. You’re negotiating the resources your team needs for success. Frankly, if you belong to an underrecognized group, you’re negotiating just to get your voice heard--a voice that’s supposed to be representing others so that’s a lot of voices that are depending on your negotiation skills. On top of that, underrecognized groups also face a ton of bias when it comes to advocating for themselves.
It's no wonder that when it comes to negotiation, it can cause a lot of anxiety. And, according to a 2011 study, feeling or even looking anxious can result in suboptimal negotiation outcomes. Anxious negotiators made deals that were 12% less financially attractive than neutral negotiators. In order to make sure that you’re not losing out check out these tips to increase your confidence— and your bank account.
With a few simple techniques, you can build up the confidence to handle your next difficult conversation with a little less anxiety and much better results.
#1 Reinterpret those butterflies - In a 2013 Harvard study, participants were asked to belt out a tune in front of a group and according to a computer that measured volume and pitch, those who told themselves “I am excited” outperformed those who told themselves “I am anxious.” They even outperformed them on a math and speech test. By turning your anxiety into excitement you can change your brain and get better results! Because you’re not always alone in these negotiations, as a leader you can take this step a further and also prime your team’s brain for better results. “I’m so excited for everyone to see the hard work you put into this project” will go a long way in strengthening your weakest links.
#2 Reframe defeat with one word – It’s easy to psych yourself out and think “I can’t do it” or “I’ve never been able to deal with this person.” Such definitive language closes a door. But one word can turn it around and open a door. Adding the word “yet” can open a world of possibilities and a challenge for you instead of an obstacle. Who says you can’t do it? You just haven’t had the opportunity to see it to completion yet.
#3 Focus on what can you control – One of the reasons for the anxiety is the fear of the unknown. What will the other party say or do? There are a million unknowns but a better use of your energy is using it to prepare. Put that attention into what you do know. Do a little research to minimize the unknowns. If you’re worried that they’re not going to like what you’re going to say, practice saying it so that your brain is familiar with what is going to come out of your mouth. You’ll look much more confident. It will take the edge off of their response to it. And frankly, just knowing that they might respond poorly is powerful because you can even spend some time formulating what you will do when that uncomfortable response comes. Just the knowledge that they might respond poorly, and the preparation to that response, means you’re a lot less likely to freak out when it happens. Knowledge is power.
#4 Reflect on past victories – It’s easy to worry about what could go wrong but it’s even easier to focus on some past victories. Everything from a high school basketball game to that time you got your toddler to eat something green. Focusing on those times that you felt victorious will give your brain a boost right when you need it.
#5 Strike a power pose – Dr. Amy Cuddy’s viral TED talk taught us that instead of ‘fake it until you make it’ you can ‘fake it until you become it.’ According to her research, adopting a power pose for a couple of minutes can give your brain a chance to catch up to what your body is telling others. Think Wonder Woman with hands on hips. And if you’ve ever run a race you know the first thing you want to do when you cross that finish line is throw your hands in the air with a V for victory. Recreate that moment in with your hands and your brain will reward you.
#6 Visualize it – You might be feeling some dread now but how will you feel when you’ve nailed this negotiation? Close your eyes and picture yourself striking that power pose and sounding as confident as you need to get it done. Go back in time and picture some of those past success while you’re at it. Saying the words that made you successful and even the look on the faces of those around you who watched you in awe. Relish in that feeling and your brain will get a nice buzz to get you a little closer to that moment. You may even find yourself looking forward to negotiating!
#7 Recite a positive mantra – It sounds cheesy but it works. Whether it’s telling yourself that “I deserve this” or “I am going to conquer this moment” you choose. Your brain could stand to hear a few positive words and get the subconscious ready to knock that anxiety out of its way. You’ll give your brain a massive advantage when you go in for that next challenge.
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